Why you should co-sleep and share meals with your dog

We have all heard the phrase "pack animals" when speaking about our canine companions. Usually this statement is followed by more generic statements such as "dogs need a strong pack leader!" and even further down the line of these mindsets you might get encouraged to "set boundaries" in order for your dogs to respect you, feel safe and secure in the human world. Usually these boundaries include things such as not being allowed on furniture or no begging/sharing our food. Oftentimes this train of thought can make a lot of sense to the untrained ear, but let me help you debunk why your dogs actually THRIVE when co-sleeping and sharing meals with you.

First, let's get into the details of what it really means when we say dogs are pack animals. Dogs are domesticated to attach and form packs with humans. Dogs do not form packs with their own species. Dogs in the wild and street dogs can form temporary alliances where they scavange for food together, mate and seek out resources. However, when dogs mate, they end up going separate ways. They do not form packs in the way other canidae species like wolves, do. The usual structure of a canidae pack looks very similar to a human family, where the parents are the alphas, the offspring is the betas and then we usually see other blood related individuals like aunts, uncles etc be in the pack. Our very beloved dogs share these same traits but they build packs with humans rather than other dogs. This is why our symbiotic dyad is so very special. Two species crossing paths filled with love for a moment in time. Now, from our dogs perspective, they are very aware they are the "betas" of the pack just in the same way our children don't get confused who's the parent within the parent-child dynamic - they just know. We fill the role of a caregiver or attachment individual for our dogs. In other words, we become our dogs parent. Now, our dogs are not babies and we can absolutely not treat them like babies since they are a completely different species with very different needs and sets of behavioral repertoires, but the fact still stands that we have a parenting role in our dogs lives. We do not need to assert our social hierarchy position as the "alpha". It is completely pointless. Our dogs are very aware that we are in charge and have the control. So when we talk about boundaries, what does that actually mean? How does a healthy adult parental figure set boundaries with their offspring?

A boundary can look like not letting our dogs engage in unsafe behavior and then punish them for engaging in unsafe behavior - for example letting them off leash and then punish them for not recalling on cue - but rather attaching a long line to them, making the long line a boundary. "I won't let you make an unsafe decision so I will keep you attached to this leash to make sure you stay safe while exploring some free range movement in this safe environment". A boundary can look like making sure we find legal outlets for our dogs biological needs rather than wait for them to engage in something unsafe. "I will not let you eat unsafe litter on the ground so I'll make sure to meet your biological need for scavenging in safe and controlled settings to minimize the likelyhood of you feeling the need to scavenge inedible items out of instinct". Boundaries, in other words, are about OUR CHOICES - NOT OUR DOGS BEHAVIOR. What WE decide to do in the name of safety for our dogs. Just like I might hold on to a toddlers arms when they throw a fit and want to hit me. "I will not let you hit me, so I'm going to hold on to your arms until you stop trying to hit me".

Now let's circle back to social eating and sleeping and how this all correlates. If we know that dogs are social animals with needs like social animals, that they form packs with humans, that the packs of canidae species looks similar to a human family dynamic and we also now know what a boundary actually looks like, I want to investigate the statements telling us to "set boundaries" with our dogs by not letting them co-sleep or share meals with us.
Social animals have a biological need to co-sleep and share meals. Social animals like to sleep and eat in groups. There are of course individual preferences, I myself prefer to sleep without a partner, I enjoy co-sleeping with my kids but my ultimate preference is to sleep with only my dog. This is however a preference I've developed from habit, experiences and trauma. I remember being a child and being forced to sleep in my own bed - and hating it! So, our dogs can of course habituate to tolerate sleeping in other areas, but at their core they will have a biological need to co-sleep. The same goes for sharing meals. Especially young pups are dependent on the alphas of the pack to eat. It is not just a preference, it is a need for survival. When our young puppies beg at the table, it's genetic. We've literally domesticated our dogs by sharing our scraps with them. Of course our dogs can habituate to eating on their own, on different times than us and to learn to not beg at the table. That doesn't mean it is what's best for our dogs. Many dogs will lose appetite when separated from their family for example and this is a very clear sign that sharing meals is a deep need for your dog. It has become an arbitrary rule that dogs that beg are misbehaved or dog guardians that share their meals with their dogs are spoiling them.

There is also so much misinfirmation regarding what dogs should and shouldn't eat. Dogs should absolutely not eat dry kibble, a lot of our veterinarians are sponsored by kibble brands making it the top recommendation from our veterinarians, which is just a sad reality. Kibble is highly processed and just imagining having to eat dried up, tasteless, brown balls every meal for the rest of my life gives me a feeling of slight despair. Dogs thrive on raw food, they have the enzymes needed to break down bacteria humans can't break down and their jaws are designed to crush bones, their intestines are designed to break crushed bone down. Dogs, as mentioned, have also been domesticated by eating scraps humans leave behind. Now, of course, humans are eating a generally processed diet as well, but we tend to have a more balanced diet than our furry friends. Sharing our food - especially our meat - with our dogs will actually not do any harm. We want to make sure it contains no cooked bones and stay clear of spices and herbs that are toxic to dogs! Dogs can also benefit from veggies and fruit, a lot of dogs enjoy cheese and eggs as well. If we expose our dogs to many different types of food from an early age they also have a tendency to develop a larger tolerance for different types of food which can help avoid food allergies and gut issues down the line. There actuallt isn't a reason for not sharing meals with your dogs - you just need to start using common sense when doing so.

Usually when dog pros claim that not letting your dogs beg or share furniture with you is "setting boundaries" what they are actually trying to communicate, is you should require your dogs to adjust to your comfort in the name of dominance and control. Which is just not something I think should be normalized. We automatically take on a parental role when we invite a dog into our homes and the least thing we should do is understand their basic needs and go out of our way and comfort to meet their needs.
If we continously and routinely co-sleep and share meals with our dogs we can actually help ease our dogs separation anxiety. We need to think about this as us filling our dogs cups on a daily basis for a prolonged period of time so our dogs can regulate their nervous systems and create default safety responses, build distress tolerance and resilience so when in distressing situations - they have enough of love filled in their tanks to cope.

I encourage you to rethink the arbitrary habits and rules you've created for your beloved pet. What function are they actually filling? What purpose are they actually serving? And what are the facts to back it up?